I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
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Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me