if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She's like a pop up book from hell.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder