my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.