I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
