Apparently you make a good broom.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
