she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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