I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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