I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
