So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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