There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
