literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
