The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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