I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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