If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
