Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
