Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
