So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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