He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
