dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
