i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
