You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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