somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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