When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
