we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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