i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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