first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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