How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
