I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.