East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes