So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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