very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.