Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!