Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
