I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
