Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
