Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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