I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
