Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was confusing and full of hummus
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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