Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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