How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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