never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A+ Viking dick
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
