are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
