i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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