we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
