Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
