I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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