I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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