kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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