I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
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Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
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What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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