Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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