2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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