champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
