Buhtt sex?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
