whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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