I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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