That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
