I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
