Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
