you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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