what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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