FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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