I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
